New year, new people. Making new friends is never easy, so we thought you might need some help. Awkward Association came up with 6 tips that will guarantee you an unforgettable conversation.
- Prolonged eye contact. To properly start off an awkward conversation, a sustained eye contact is a must, preferably longer than five seconds. If sustained non-blinking is not your forte, badly timed furtive glances will help enhance your aura of awkwardness.
- Mispronounce the person’s name. Following a lengthy, intense eye contact, there will probably be some sort of introduction. After the other party has told you their name, it is crucial that you mispronounce it, not to the extent of creating a whole new other name, just screw up one or two syllables.
- When in doubt, smile and nod. When you don’t know what the other person is talking about, or when you just don’t feel invested in that conversation but can’t escape from it either, smiling and nodding is the way to go. Bonus points for making a sound of affirmation as you smile and nod.
- If smiling and laughing doesn’t work, try awkward laughing. Although, I must say, from experience, this tactic won’t last long before someone asks about why you’re laughing. Last resort: try laughing hysterically and breaking out in bouts of violent renewed cackles when they attempt to ask you why you’re laughing. By the time you stop, they’d probably be too afraid to set you off again.
- Be a bad listener. Whether you’re just distracted, or you just have bad hearing, we have all been there before. To derail the conversation straight to awkward town, you need a good, solid, out-of-context answer to whatever the other party asked you about. Warning: trying this in your GP consultation could lead to a violent response from your tutor.
- Ending the conversation. As you get ready to never talk to that person again, a real power move is to call the other person by a whole other name. Bonus points for maintaining a poker face and raising your eyebrows as you do it. Should they accept the new name without bothering to correct you, you’d know your awkward convo was a success.
(please don’t actually do this in real life)